Girls With Balls (2018) – mini-review

Another piece of nonsense that I enjoyed watching. This French comedy-horror isn’t anything groundbreaking, and there appears to have been a bit of the story left on the cutting room floor but it hits the right spots – there are some shocks, some laughs and a little bit of absurdity (OK, maybe a lot of absurdity). There is also 1 scene that troubles me which involves a dog that actually has nothing to do with the plot but I still give this 7 Skelpometer points.

Girls With Balls is available on Netflix – watch the French language version with subtitles, the dubbing into English is terrible and removes all the fun.

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Galaxy Of Terror (1981) – mini-review

I rather enjoyed this Roger Corman piece of nonsense – some great gooey deaths and fantastic over-acting made this a treat. 7 S-Points.

Galaxy Of Terror is available on Prime Video

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Forbidden World (1982) – mini-review

I usually like low-budget horror / sci-fi nonsense, but I found this a bit tedious. A lowly 4 on the Skelpometer for this Roger Corman Alien rip-off.

Forbidden World is available on Prime Video

Posted in 4/10, Horror, Mini reviews, Movies, SciFi | Leave a comment

The Bar (2017) – mini-review

This Spanish dark comedy is a highly enjoyable and prescient look at what happens when a bunch of strangers are locked-down in a confined area. Let’s just say that the best of humanity isn’t to the fore! 8 S-Points.

The Bar is available on Netflix

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Bone Tomahawk (2015) – mini-review

A superb horror-western that runs at 132 minutes but never feels like it, even with the slow and steady pacing that it employs. Kurt Russell is magnificent and there are some truly shocking moments, even for the hardened horror fan. A solid 9 Skelpometer points.

Bone Tomahawk is available on Prime Video

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The Vast Of Night (2019) – mini-review

Highly unusual take on the 50s ‘alien panic’ trope. Some impressive film techniques throughout but this movie didn’t connect with me. Maybe I need to revisit it with different expectations. 6 S-Points.

The Vast Of Night is on Amazon Prime

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Save The Green Planet (2003) – mini-review

A mental mash-up of genres that keeps you guessing throughout. Whilst there are some great scenes the multiple movie styles never seem to fully gel. Worth seeking out on DVD if you like Asian oddities. 7 on the Skelpometer.


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Blood Machines (2019) review

Blood Machines is billed as ‘A Shudder Series’ which I guess it is, but that is a series of 3 episodes, with a total runtime of around 50 minutes. Whilst it is visually and stylistically arresting with an interesting central idea, the script and dialogue fail to match up to the high standard of the on-screen imagery and ultimately this proves tedious, even with the restricted 50 minute runtime.

About that runtime – for some reason the three acts in this ‘story’ are presented in 3 different films, each with their own credit sequences at the beginning an end. I’m not sure why this was as it seemed to me an exercise in self-importance and indulgence. Although, given some of the imagery used in this film that shouldn’t really be a surprise.

Let’s talk about the good stuff first – the visual style of this experience has been designed to within an inch of its life, from the font and film-stock scratches used in the opening credits to the externally shape-shifting spaceships and the shiny AI robots inside them. The soundtrack and music editing is also fantastic, but this should come as no surprise as this project has grown out of the music video shot for Carpenter Brut by the filmmaker, Seth Ickerman. Throughout there are uses of camera angles and visual effects that are a treat for the eyes, although saying that there is one thing that jars – more on that in a bit.

If Blood Machines was a 10 or 15 minute music video and not a feature presentation then all of the above ‘good stuff’ would be enough to make this a great piece of filmmaking, but at 50 minutes, you need something more to keep you satisfied and this is where I felt that this experience was lacking. As far as the story goes, it’s not a bad concept for a shorter film – there’s some stuff about AI and scavenging and mystical tribes that worship AI. I won’t say much more about this, as with this short a runtime you could give everything away in a sentence, however what I will say is that all I could think during the ‘chase’ section of this movie was that they seemed to be desperately hunting for a well-written script, but never found it. Add to this an unlikeable (deliberately) and badly realised (not-so deliberately) central male character, and you stop seeing the visuals or hearing the music and lose any sense of immersion that you may have had.

Oh yeah, and that thing that jarred – at the core of this movie are shiny naked women with, for no apparent reason, highly luminous upside-down crosses on their torsos. By the final scenes of the film I really felt like I was watching the masturbatory fantasies of a 14 year old boy with a madonna-whore complex and a large collection of android porn. Whilst this might appeal to some (teenage boys probably) this just felt a bit sad to me, and left me feeling cold and a little bit annoyed. I’m going to rate this as a 4 on the Skelpometer full in the knowledge that a lot of people are going to love this, but it’s just not for me.

Blood Machines is streaming on Shudder now

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Demons (1986) – mini-review

Superior grade mid-80s gonzo/schlock italo horror. Not for the uninitiated! Makes very little sense but there is a ‘horror movies don’t make people horrific’ subtext. Perhaps.

8 S-points.

Available on Shudder

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Pieces (1982) – mini-review

The cover of this tells you almost everything you need to know about this movie. Infamous in horror circles, this is a badly made movie that has some really gruesome and effective gore. It’s difficult to rate, as objectively it’s terrible but if you enjoy bad horrors then it’s a brilliant watch!

I’m going to give it a 6 on the Skelpometer as I’m not sure I’ll ever watch it again, but I’ll certainly never forget it.

Pieces is available on Amazon Prime Video, although it is presented in the wrong aspect ratio so you may need to fiddle with your TV settings – I found that setting to 4:3 worked best – I lost a little at the sides but people looked the right shape!

Posted in 6/10, Horror, Mini reviews, Movies | Leave a comment